Long overdue, butttt - replaced the front rotors with Power Stop AR85108EVC (currently on sale on Amazon for ~$50 less than I paid when I got them a month or so ago), and that solved the issues after a nice bedding and some testing. Of note, though I’m likely preaching to the choir - PB Blaster worked well, but it ended up being a 10lb sledge in tandem with PB that solved what a few hammers and a deadblow could not in several attempts. Interestingly, a wheel stud came loose (or was loose) in the process, despite making no direct contact with it. I’m shocked that modern rotors would warp like that, but here we are. Solved. Thank you all for your time, tutelage, and thoughtfulness.