One of my earliest childhood memories is when my thinking pattern got programmed by my friends and loved ones; the people I trusted most.
You see, when I was a child I walked around taking in the differences that people had and was mesmerized by them. I would talk to everyone I would encounter. I would smile at people and almost always get a smile back. No one was right or wrong... they were just different.
I remember the day it happened: I walked up to a homeless black man and smiled really big and asked him how he was doing. He started to smile back, revealing copious amounts of wrinkles on his weathered face and a toothless smile, when all of a sudden my mother ninja'd over to me and about near ripped out my arm in a rushed attempt to get me on my track back to the car. Once inside she told me that I was never to talk to those type again. "Why," I asked, wondering if it was because of their disheveled appearance and a putrid smell eerily akin to that of her cooking. "Because I said so," she said, putting the car in drive, "Now put on your seatbelt."
I rode in the car in silence and could not wrap my head around why you wouldn't be nice to everyone. I brought it up again later that day and she said that I just needed to trust her. Little kids like me get snatched every day.
Later that school year a friend of mine told me in school not to be friends with Steven. He couldn't give me a good reason. Then people started picking on Steven. Not wanting to be left out, I joined in. Pretty soon we were all looking for things not to like about people so we could make fun of them and when you added chasing girls in there, things started getting heavy.
Nowadays in my 30's I tend to third person things a bit, and honestly I wish we could take the teaching of this back. You see, being judgement towards others might make you feel slightly good for the moment, provided you get affirmation from others, but you end up hurting both the person that you judge, and yourself.
Have you ever watched bitter old people who are alone? They have judged others so much, friends, family, and everyone around them, that they have painted themselves in a corner and have nowhere else to go but internal.
And that's where a lot of people on this forum are headed.
If you do not let people think you judge them (even if you are criticize them internally) but instead, you make them laugh and feel good about themselves, you will snowball into someone with more friends than you ever thought possible. And you will find an internal happiness that's missing inside of you.
It's worth every effort.
