PTSD and me

[Meat2022]

Nope not anything to do with our Raptors or even Ford....or ...Tundras...sorry @FordTechOne .

So I'm struggling and feel like I've grown to have some brothers on here even though we haven't met. Noah and I have talked a lot for sure.

I'm learning to accept that I've got some issues that I deal with internally and try to suppress or hide..whatever. It does me no good to do this I understand but it's a sign of weakness and not being a soldier is all we are taught or even as a man if we express our feelings or deepest thoughts or fears. I'm trying to understand why things trigger me or set me off, and why once I go down that path it gets worse and darker. Going to the VA for mental health this Tuesday was degrading due to the fact that the lady at the desk called my name out loud, asked if I needed to speak to mental health even louder, and then even louder asked what was wrong with me or going on. Embarrassed and degraded i sat back down with 12 other people in the waiting room wondering how many were thinking this dude has issues. Whatever it is what it is. They called me back, checked my vitals and the nurse for mental health asked me what was going on, none of your business, your a nurse not a psychiatrist or mental health counselor. The doc came in the same room, asked me what was up, told me I wasn't enrolled in mental health and I need an appointment. Turned me away with no help or any appointment. So why do we have 22 a day kill themselves....I'd say this could be a reason. I finally have a appointment on 21 SEPT after contacting my DAV rep who made a lot of calls and got me taken care of as far as an appointment. I left and went to an appointment for my lower back, only to realize i drove an hour for no reason, with all i had going on i forgot my cd with my images...so they rescheduled me for 28 SEPT...get in traffic...not good with all I'm dealing with, drive to my school, help coach our JV football game, get our you know what kicked hard 22-0....but thank God for my coaches and those kids, spending time with them helped settle me down. I'm struggling but keeping it together even though I feel nuttier than a squirrel ****. I will never hurt myself or anyone else but this is tough and hard to accept. I know I'm not the only one who deals with this. Crazy how toxic leadership and having no trust in anyone but my platoon and closest battle buddies for almost a year caused me to have all the issues I have now. UXO in my face with 2 EOD guys does weigh on me and there's more to that situation, rockets every dang night for 4 months straight as well but we got rocket man..thank you SF guys and Romanian SOF for that adventure ...although his son was on it the next night, he was no where near as accurate lol. Just venting with what's on my mind my brother's and anyone else struggling, you aren't alone. The light is at the end of the tunnel and apparently I've been told it doesn't go boom.....lol

 

[Ricoman]

Speechless..and all I can say is what an old friend told me when i was going thru s@!^.."Hang In There"..

 

[Irregular F150]

Sorry to here it brother. The va can be a cluster fk for sure. They handled that situation poorly af. You’re definitely not alone. Feel free to vent away here or in a dm i and others are here for ya. Yeah Im no wordsmith…


Ill send some prayers for you.



(00-05 usmc ordnance with 60% injured rate myself)

 

[CleverGirl_]

Still dealing with the VA myself, and I have unfortunately seen many friends make that final decision. Every one of them said they wouldn’t cross that line. All it does is pass the burdens you left on to your loved ones.

08-18 USAF here as well if you need anything.

 

[Nex]

Sorry brother. Wish I had some inspirational meme, gif or even words (I guess that's a thing, right?). Hit me up if need be.

They say it takes a village to raise a kid. This is no different.

 

[Space Ghost]

Glad youre venting it and not holding it in. We can only hold it in so long until we burst. Were all here for you.

Our minds are such powerful tools and sometimes they can be used against us.

I cant speak on every situation cause were all different, but i dropped in some really dark times, and nearly forced myself into the light. Some days im glad, and some days im indifferent.

Focusing on what the triggers are and mitigating them is what ive been trying to do. Its hard, i wish i had the right answers, but i cant even solve myself.

He gives the hardest roads to his strongest, and we may fall down at times, but we always get up. Wed like a different road, but at the same time we have to be glad at how much stronger we’ve become because of it.

Im happy youre finding a community to help and give back to. Thats a good step forward.

I probably rewrote this 50 times cause its hard to put into words, but i hope what i wrote means well.

 

[Shane361]

Man I posted something similiar to this on another forum and I got dragged. When I seperated after 21.5 years in the Military I had a ruff time adjusting back to being a civilian. Now I was very fortunate not to have gone through what so many like you have been through. I spent 4 trips of 3 years in the Middle East but it wasn't what many went through. Those have my deepest sympathies and respects. Don't be surprised if you don't find what you're looking for or what you need on this forum just because Raptor. You need to get with guys that have been through what you went through. There's an understanding there, and a strength that can come from that relationship. Most people just can't fathom the physical, spiritual, emotional aspects many Military go through. Just know that you are appreciated and loved and life is worth living and if you feel that low there is only one way to go and that's up. I would suggest to find anyway to help others, like that team. Be surprised what that can do for your own soul. Feel free to send me a PM, we can BS anytime.

 

[The Car Stereo Company]

in 11 years i have met a lot of people here. talked to a lot of people, hung out with a lot of people, probably got a little too drunk with a lot of people here. funny enough, as much shit talk we do with each other, we always will be there for each other. i have felt useless and downa few times in the last few years. back surgery january of 2021. another back surgery sept 2022. that was a fusion. now a hip replacement scheduled for oct 18th. tirina and her family has, with no questions asked, have supported me the entire time. im not working now because nobody wants to hire somebody for a month. ever since i sold my shop and moved here, i have been plagued with injuries. but you find that one person who is there for you and you feel like you can move on. same with people here. a lot of former military here that know exactly what you are going through. civilians cant and will never know what our military personnel have gone through, but find the ones that can relate. we all have our issues, but having family and friends here to support us is key to dealing with them. as always, you can text or call me anytime. any hour. if it werent for you, i wouldnt have a giant bucket of slobber running around our house. heres a mug shot. just remember the happy things.

 

[Bozz]

You need to get with guys that have been through what you went through. There's an understanding there, and a strength that can come from that relationship.

This^^^ Just keep talking. Let it out. Get angry when you need to. Don't bottle it up. Pop smoke. Lots of little blow ups are better than one giant one. My wife keeps shit in. I blow up. Only once every couple of months now. She says it's amazing, I can blow up like the Hulk, but then 2 minutes later act as if it never happened. She doesn't get it. I don't blow up at her, just in general. If I kept everything in all the time like she does, when I popped, it would be nuclear.

Just keep talking. To those who have been there. We have been there. Many feel the same are are dealing with the same thing. Only comrades who's minds have been scrambled can fully understand, can appreciate what you are going through, will listen and relate to your "feelings" (for lack of a better description - LOL), and possibly offer some advice or a story about what helped them.

Stay strong my friend, you are NOT alone.

 

[Meat2022]

in 11 years i have met a lot of people here. talked to a lot of people, hung out with a lot of people, probably got a little too drunk with a lot of people here. funny enough, as much shit talk we do with each other, we always will be there for each other. i have felt useless and downa few times in the last few years. back surgery january of 2021. another back surgery sept 2022. that was a fusion. now a hip replacement scheduled for oct 18th. tirina and her family has, with no questions asked, have supported me the entire time. im not working now because nobody wants to hire somebody for a month. ever since i sold my shop and moved here, i have been plagued with injuries. but you find that one person who is there for you and you feel like you can move on. same with people here. a lot of former military here that know exactly what you are going through. civilians cant and will never know what our military personnel have gone through, but find the ones that can relate. we all have our issues, but having family and friends here to support us is key to dealing with them. as always, you can text or call me anytime. any hour. if it werent for you, i wouldnt have a giant bucket of slobber running around our house. heres a mug shot. just remember the happy things.View attachment 423908

Love me some Molly pics my man